Broadcaster Press 11 December 18, 2012 www.broadcasteronline.com Teaching ‘old’ dogs new tricks - the hard way Their names are Porter, Monty and Ginny of Auckland, New Zealand. Underage, not one has a driver’s license. Besides, since they can’t read, they would not be able to pass the written test. They’re too short to see over the steering wheel and they are colorblind. And by the way, Porter, Monty and Ginny are shelter dogs, learning to drive a specially adapted Mini Cooper, which is part of a project to encourage pet adoptions from animal shelters in Auckland. When I first learned how trainer Mark Vette was teaching these mixedbreeds to drive, I tried to imagine what kind of students my three rescue Dachshunds would be. First, there’s Zoe [pronounced Zo-ee]. Even though she loves to “help” steer my car by standing with her hind legs on my lap and her front paws on the steering wheel, there’s just one slight problem. Her blasé attitude combined with the low humming of the car’s engine serve as an instant lullaby. By the time I’ve backed out of the driveway, she and her kennel mate, Lily, are packing “Z-Z-Z’s. I’m sure the cops would cite both for sleeping while driving. And then there’s PoePoe. Neurotic as all get-out only, the disposition of my medium-sized Dachshund is fidgety at best. A nervous wreck, he gets all worked up over the slightest things. Put him behind the wheel, and he’ll bite his nails and whine at the same time. It’s downright pitiful. Poe-Poe gets edgy when the phone rings, let alone in traffic when he white knuckles the entire ride. Add to that all of the fourlegged creatures roaming around outside, like c-a-t-s and c-o-w-s. I actually have to cover his eyes and spell so he does not hurl himself out the window. I’m afraid if Poe-Poe ever passed a driver’s training, which (close your ears, Poe-Poe) is very unlikely; he definitely would suffer from distracted driving, causing lots of accidents and sending my car insurance sky high. Speaking of distracted driving, my three furchildren would be pulled over one too many times for weaving in and out of traffic while grooming themselves and each other. Add to that driving with their heads hanging out the window and I just couldn’t handle it. Even with my doubts, I was all for doggy driver’s training, until I found out the whole idea was originated by an Auckland advertising agency, commissioned by Mini Cooper, which turned the story from cute to gimmick in an instant. But then I began to envision all of the possibilities. Since airplanes and trains are mostly computerized, it would not be out of the realm of possibilities for Zoe, Lily and Poe-Poe to learn how to fly planes and conduct trains. Although, since all three suffer from acute jealousy, riding shotgun or co-piloting would not sit well. They would have to travel solo, which would be totally traumatic, because they run in packs, like one fur ball on 12 legs. After this story from New Zealand, I’m afraid to think of what marketers will come up with of next: chimps commandeering hot air balloons, dolphins steering submarines, cheetahs driving NASCAR or squirrels driving you nuts, and that is a whole other story. 2012 © Copyright Paula Damon. A resident of Southeast South Dakota, Paula Bosco Damon is a MY STORY YOUR STORY Arrrrrre you advertising in the Broadcaster? PAULA DAMON paula.damon@iw.net national award-winning columnist. Her writing has won first-place in competitions of the National Federation of Press Women, South Dakota Press Women and Iowa Press Women. In the 2009, 2010 and 2011 South Dakota Press Women Communications Contests, her columns have earned eight firstplace awards. To contact Paula, email boscodamon.paula@gmail, follow her blog at my-story-yourstory@blogspot.com and find her on FaceBook. Watch the “treasure” pile up when you advertise in the Broadcaster. P.O. BOX 357 201 W. Cherry Vermillion, SD 57069 Phone:(605) 624-4429 Fax:(605) 624-2696 PLYMOUTH FEEDS CO. RELOCATION AUCTION Location: Hwy 75, Merrill, IA Friday, Dec. 28th @ 10:00 AM Saturday, Dec. 29th @ 10:00 AM Note: This is a DOT forced sale due to the widening of Hwy 75 through Merrill. Plymouth Feeds is not going out of business and will be relocating in Merrill as soon as they can get a new building constructed. Until then they will have a small store open in town to serve you. They must reduce their inventory. Everything will have FACTORY WARRANTY & EVERYTHING WILL SELL. We will be running 2 rings so bring a friend. Smaller items will be sold in heated buildings. Some items subject to prior sale. _______________________________________________________________________ TRACTORS, AUGERS & EQUIP: Farmtrac 450 4WD w/loader; Farmtrac 45 w/turf tires & loader; New Augers: 12”x 92’ Peck transport w/self propelled hyd drive hopper; (2)Peck 10”x 31’PTO; (2)Hutchinson 8”x 33’ PTO; Hutchinson 8”x 65’ swing away gear drive hopper; Sudenga 10”x 31’PTO w/17* hopper; Peck 8”x 36’w/10Hp elec. Motor & 17*hopper; Plus several used augers all sizes. 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BUG SPRAYS: Country Vet Insect Control systems; Air Freshener Kits; Fly strips & Baits; Bugmax sprays; Bug Foggers; etc. FARM & HOUSE PAINT & SUPPLIES: VanSickle paint & spray cans; Tractor & Industrial enamel; Barn & Building; Interior Latex; Wood stains; Thinners; Caulk; Sandpaper; Brushes; Rollers; Pans, etc. Terms: Cash, Credit or check. Nothing removed unless settled for. Photo I.D. required for bidding number. Not responsible for accidents. For more info. call: AUCTIONEERS: Hinton, Merrill & LeMars Randy Stabe: 712-540-9640 Vernon Stabe: 712-947-4801 www.stabeauctionandrealty.com KEEPING SMILES MERRY & BRIGHT! Knutson Family Dentistry Dr. Richard Knutson • Dr. Matthew Knutson 1714 E. Cherry St. • Vermillion, SD 605.624.6291